Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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