You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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