did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
