In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
