As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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