I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
