I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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