your parents love me but you hate me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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