she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
be right there i have to get my cape
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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