Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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