Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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