Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize