Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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