so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
