Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
