he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
