is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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