OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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