I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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