oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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