I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
