I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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