I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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