made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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