Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
