I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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