How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
