is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
