fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
