My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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