I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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