so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
