I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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