dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
