the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
