i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
