the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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