My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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