areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
