Swine flu is the new snow day.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He has the fingertips of a God
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