I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think your dad took our porno
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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