I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
