how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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