If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize