guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
