i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize