Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize