Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That was an excessively violent trivia night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
