I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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