____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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