ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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