Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
