She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
