I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
