Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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