it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
