i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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