In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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