btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.