Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
