WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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