HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
