We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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