One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
