farters have to be the big spoon...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
