My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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