if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm both gender and math confused
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
