I'm going to jail i love you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
