He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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