my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
