I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
