when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
