ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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