Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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