I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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