she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
