Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just pee around me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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