I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he laminated a picture of his dick.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
