Can i not drive my cunt home
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
