Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
