im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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